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Saturday, November 21st, 2009
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7:58 pm - Lawyer Humor
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In the American Criminal Justice System, the accused can be found guilty only through trial by jury, plea bargain, or being delivered to the police by Batman.
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(comment on this)
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10:07 am - Mixers
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Last night was this huge mixer for our law school and McGeorge (another law school). It was held in a big club in Sacramento. We rented a bus to drive us students there and back, and there were two trips you could take. It was okay, but what was really interesting to me was the actions of 2 of my friends.
I got on the early bus back (12pm) and next to me was another friend who had apparently left her purse in the club. She spent the whole time panicking, going "where's my purse, where's my phone, where's my wallet, fuck my life!" over and over. Me, I was like "A. stay on the bus as is goes back for the 2pm group, then go to the club and get your shit, or B. spend the night at a friend's house and deal with it in the morning. Either way stop freaking about shit you can't change, pick A or B." I was really disappointed in her, because I always thought she was a cool person, and seeing her lose her shit over this kinda made me lose respect for her.
Me, I'm like Woody Harrelson's character in White Men Can't Jump. His girlfriend says she's thirsty and he gets her some water and she goes on about how she didn't want him to get her a glass of water, she wanted him to sympathize with her being thirsty. I was willing to go back with her and help her get her purse, she didn't want to. She didn't want to just crash at her friend's (who was right there, saying "it's not a big deal, stay at my place and we'll get it tomorrow") either. She just wanted to keep going on about how it sucked. I was like 'What the fuck?' Deal with your shit and get over it. If you want help, I'll help you, but I have no patience for listening to you whine helplessly about it when it's not that big a deal and you have obvious solutions in front of you. I'm not that good at sympathy, I'm a fix-it sort.
I'll talk about the 2nd one later.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, November 16th, 2009
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8:11 pm - The Ft. Hood Shootings
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What I don't get is why everyone feels the need to scream "terrorism" about the Ft. Hood shootings. Just the fact that he's Muslim doesn't change the fact that he was your garden-variety malajusted man who snapped and shot up his workplace. Going postal at work is about as American as apple pie.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Wednesday, November 11th, 2009
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9:50 pm
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http://www.cbsnews.com/blogs/2009/11/02/crimesider/entry5494649.shtml
So apparently some cheerleader went to a halloween party dressed as lil wayne. Problem was, she was white and was wearing dark makeup, or bronzer, or something. Now, a bunch of white people are screaming about blackface and how we should expect our cheerleaders to be the moral bastions of society, and rolemodels even when they're on their own time. Black people, meanwhile, have by and large neglected to give two craps.
Also, hollywood is going crazy with the post-apocolypse movies. Really, when it rains it pours.
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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| Friday, November 6th, 2009
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6:29 pm
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There are rumors and legends about a book. You find it in an old book store, in a dusty corner. You've never heard of anything like it, but it catches your eye, so you keep it. It's fascinating at first, but as you continue to read, you grow weaker. Eventually you realize that the book is devouring your lifeforce, stealing your soul, but still, you can't stop reading it. References to it are made in the corners of madmen's journals, in hushed whispers among the occult seekers.
Then, there's the very true instance of a law student who saw a copy of Quicksilver by Neal Stephenson in a little store while looking for antique teacups for her mother. She knew damned well what it was, and knew that she didn't have the time or energy to spend the next month brushing up on her 17th to 18th century history, the Stuart Rebellion, the origins of calculus, alchemy, the stock market trade of the Netherlands in the 18th century, the scientific and philosophical status of the Cambridge and the Royal Society, and all the other things needed to properly understand this monster of a book.
She opened it anyway. Then she bought it and took it home. You can put "she knew better than that, but did it anyway" on my tombstone. That is all.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, November 1st, 2009
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10:35 pm - Halloween
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Saw a girl dressed as Alex from A Clockwork Orange, and another as Mia Wallace. I think I'll do Alex next year.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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9:47 pm - Best. Move. Ever!
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Zombieland! Go see it! It is awesome!
Seriously, I was grinning like a lunatic when I left the theater. Woody Harrelson is fantastic in it.
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(comment on this)
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| Monday, October 12th, 2009
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11:15 am - This is really irritating
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I have a huge crush on a man who's married and has a 2-year-old. I've had it since the beginning of the school year. It's very annoying. I've never had a situation where I had a crush but was morally forbidden from doing anything about it. And it really is forbidden in Law school. 1. there is so little time for friends and family that you are directly taking every second you spend with your adulterous paramour from the actual spouse and kid. 2. It's a small community. It'll get out and everyone will know you as the homewrecker - and that carries on past law school.
I tried talking about it with my roommate - a Japanese teacher on Sabatical who's been married a few decades, and she was all "but a lifetime is so long to be with one person, these little flings keep things interesting." It wasn't helping - but serve me right for trying to reinforce fidelity mores by talking with a Japanese person. They see things differently. Oh well, it'll probably go away sooner or later. And there's another boy who I'm sorta flirting with; we've kissed but we're not really boyfriend and girlfriend yet - sorta friends with benefits. He's really nice and fun and good looking and I like him a lot so that's all good.
Law school is pretty simple parts study and drink. Really, these people drink like mad every weekend, and a few of the weekdays too - any time we can steal away from studying, I guess. The booze never asks you for a case cite or thinks your comprehension of contract codes under the UCC is deplorable. Still, I'm making a point to keep my consumption down - gotta stay healthy.
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(5 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, October 5th, 2009
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8:10 pm - Christ...
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I really didn't want to have to touch this issue, so I'm going to keep it short. Roman Polanski raped a 13-year-old girl. He doesn't get an out because he's talented or the victim wants to move on with her life or because his parents died in the holocaust or because it was a long time ago. He lured a 13-year-old child to his house, drugged and raped her. He's a child molestor and deserves to go to jail. End of story.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Sunday, September 27th, 2009
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9:33 pm - The Stupid, It Entertains! AKA Why Drinking Keeps You Polite
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I was at one of those functions that we lawyer-sorts go to. This one was for the Federalist Society, which is a bunch of repubs and libertarians, for the most part. There were 3 law students from Davis, 2 from McGeorge and the rest are what you'd expect to find at an expensive Country Club, except they're lawyers, judges and the occasional lawyer's spouse. I spoke to many interesting people, and one that was just plain special.
While talking to one of the McGeorge students, I realize that she is a miraculous combination of hippie ignorance and earnestness, combined with republican and Ayn Rand world view. Really, just listening to this girl talk was like sitting next to a cornucopia of quotes that you thought only existed when liberals were trying to make mocking caricatures of people like her.
Included were:
"I was raised a democrat, but then I read Atlas Shrugged and I saw the light."
"It's really unfair. People reject Ayn Rand's work just because they study her personal life and find out that she was crazy. That's no reason to discount her books and philosophy!"
About this time I decided it was time to ditch the water and start hitting the wine - they had a lovely chardonnay, btw. It was lucky that I decided to start drinking when I did, because hardly had I gotten back and procured the most flimsy of alcohol-based shields around my brain when she decided to take it up a notch.
She got on to the topic of the middle east and it started flowing fast and thick. It was so hilarious to watch die-hard repubs try to point out to her that no, she really didn't understand what she was talking about. For instance, she didn't understand just why things weren't going well in Iraq and Afghanistan. I tried to make an analogy to Japan and say "remember how tiny Japan is and how they have no border countries and a culture that is based on order and obedience and how much effort it took to get them going." She responds with "Yeah, look at Japan! It was so easy, took practically nothing and they were up and running in no time! Why can't it be like that?" I emptied my wineglass and went to get another refill while the older lawyers tried to explain to her that no, it wasn't that easy, actually.
So I come back, and oh glorious day! She's moved on to general foreign policy! Highlights included how America was the only place the the world that was free, and so we have a responsibility to bring that freedom to the rest of the world. The rest of the world keeps having horrible things happen to it and we need to step in and stop it! For instance, that goddamn commie Obama took a whole week to comment on the iran election fiasco, "and then he took such a namby-pamby stance on it! I mean, here are these students, and they're trying to have freedom, and did you know Iran has these horribly restricted gun laws? All we had to do was get some guns to those poor students and they could have done something! But no, that coward Obama wouldn't help, because he doesn't care about freedom!"
At this point I just have to step in with a "Woah, woah, so just how are we supposed to get these guns to the students? You can't just magically transport a shitload of weapons into a foriegn country's capital without some people noticing."
She responds "That's why we have the CIA!"
I'm trying very hard not to mock openly, so I focus on keeping a straight face while letting some of the older lawyers gently try to explain to her that actually, it's not that easy, and there are these little problems with sponsoring a revolution that can get out of hand, it takes a bit more than some Twitter organization and they are so touched by her passion, but just because the Iranians feel like protesting doesn't mean they are going to want to join America in starting a coup.
She's not having any of it, we should Do Something about all these horrible things that are happening so I point out that it's not always that easy and sometimes what you think is helping really doesn't make things better and how do you know what's really right?
Her response is something I shall treasure forever:
"I don't know everything, but I know what's right and what's wrong! If another country's doing something that's wrong, you stop them!"
I couldn't help myself. I responded, "Have you ever read a play by George Bernard Shaw called Major Barbara?"
I was unsurprised to find out that she had not.
For those of you who don't know, I've put the necessary literary reference in the first comment, so just click.
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(7 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, September 19th, 2009
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10:50 am - Yarr!
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| Saturday, September 12th, 2009
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5:24 pm - Poll
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In honor of my good friend fourcorners, I have a poll here for you. The topic is internet-themed bootycalls.
So, your significant other/friend with benefits/fuckbuddy/favorite prostitute sends you a bootycall. Which of these are you most likely to respond to, and which are you most likely to do yourself?
1. A cellphone picture of them wearing nothing but a pair of cat ears and holding a sign saying "I can has sexytiems naow?"
2. A text saying "im in ur bed, wearing ur cuffs/hat/undies/whatever"
3. A call saying "somebody set you up the bomb! All your underwear are belong to me! You have no chance to survive, get your ass over here."
4. A text saying: "Sex FTW!"
5. Enter your own one here.
Comment and let me know.
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(9 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, August 29th, 2009
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5:41 pm - Fuck You, Davis weather.
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107 degrees, what the fuck? The school is nice, the teachers are smart and friendly, the classes are difficult enough to challenge me but understandable enough to make them possible. The farmer's market has great food, cheap. It's near all the wine areas, so there's good wine available cheap (though I don't have much time to drink). My financial aid grant should be enough for me to be able to go to Oxford this summer, if I'm frugal.
But this weather... You just can't be outside from noon to sunset. So I spend all my free time in the library studying or in the gym working out, which is sorta good, but really, this weather is too much. Hurry up, autumn!
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, August 17th, 2009
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6:26 pm - I be a Law Student!
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Yup, you may now make Legally Blonde jokes.
It was pretty funny, actually. We were having all these different orientation meetings, and our last one was about student life, and two of the deans were going on about what to do, how to act, etc. and they had this one section called "Don't be an idiot". Apart from things like "clean up your facebook" there was a piece on "Yes, lawyers drink a lot at all their functions. Learn to hold your booze. For example, telling the senior partner at a huge firm you want to impress 'Dude, your wife is hot! If you don't wanna bang her, I will,' does not go over well."
Yup, apparantly, some drunk chick did that a few years back.
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(10 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, July 27th, 2009
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10:26 pm - SeaDogs!
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Got back from Seadogs - whatta weekend! It's a Thursday to Monday event where over 1,000 people get together to be pirates. It's kind of like a huge Pirate-themed Renaissance Fair with almost no day visitors where the main thing is to throw some mega-wicked drinking parties every night. I missed the topless knife fight so I stumbled into the Venue, loudly demanded to know who won, and then challenged him - and won! (Don't worry, the knives are padded) I also tackled a guy and put him into a headlock, great story there.
See, I was walking around with a friend, and she introduced me to some other people, and the guy said "yeah, we met earlier, you were really mean." Now, I'm pretty drunk at this point, so I'm not positive, but I'm pretty damn sure I don't know him so I say:
Me: "No, I really don't know you"
Him: "Yeah, you were totally giving me shit and stuff"
Me: "Look, I can be a righteous bitch at times, granted, but I really don't remember you, so time, place and action, please."
Him: "You know, a couple months ago, at that thing..."
Me: "I'm not from this state, dude. I sure as hell wasn't giving anyone a hard time. I call bullshit."
Him: "Yeah, I just say that to girls to see if I can get them to tackle me."
Me: "Shoulda said so from the start."
So I tackled him and put him into a headlock. He was confused and twitterpainted all at once. Then this other girl was like, trying to hint that if it had gotten steamy that she would have waded in and broken it up herself, violently, but I didn't know that it was his girlfriend trying to bluster, and I thought she was just hitting on me. Finally I figured it out and assured her that no, I didn't have any intentions on her man, I just smacked him around for fun.
I also got tied to a cross and flogged, did a lot of skinny dipping, and did a lot of other things.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 16th, 2009
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3:45 pm - 007
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I have bought 3 of the original Ian Flemming James Bond books. That man is so unbelievably racist it's hilarious. Oh, and every time he wants to describe a real dangerous minion he talks about how said minion's eyes are pinpricks bright with the killing urge brought about by "marihuana". The books are good though.
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(comment on this)
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| Wednesday, July 15th, 2009
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3:54 pm - Details
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There is a place in southern Oregon called Ashland. It's a small college town, and very pretty. In this place they hold a Shakespeare festival. They put on plays - mainly Shakespeare, but others as well. I went with my mother and a few other people, sort of something for us to do together before I head on off to law school. We rented a little house for a few days and all drove down (or up) from our respective homes to get together.
I saw Macbeth and Don Quixote, both were excellently done. One of the friends with us is a great chef, and so we relied on his advice for restaurants and let him do the cooking when we ate at home. It was great. Oregon has fantastic wine, Ashland has very good restaurants and this guy's a great cook, so fun was had by all.
Then we all went down to California, spent two days hiking and swimming at Shasta, and ate more. We had picked up some really good wine, coffee beans, chocolates and cheeses in Ashland, as well as brought superior grappa and scotch and our own espresso machine, so we were well stocked.
We hiked, had dinner at a really good Mexican restaurant with fishbowl-sized margaritas, and then stumbled back to our hotel, where we played Hand and Durak (card games). We had espresso and grappa, because the best way to have grappa (a clear Italian brandy) is to make a good espresso, add lots of dark brown sugar without stirring, drink the coffee and add the grappa to the thick coffee/sugar paste left on the bottom of your cup. There was a great bakery with the best scones I've ever had for breakfast the next day, and swimming in cool lakes and icy waterfalls.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, July 13th, 2009
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11:47 pm - Road Trip
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Spent the past 3 days in Oregon watching Shakespeare and consuming a lot of really good food and wine. Am now in California doing the same, but with hiking instead of Shakespeare. Good times.
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(4 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, July 6th, 2009
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4:44 pm
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UK’s next spy chief in Facebook storm
The future head of Britain’s MI6 security service has found himself at the center of an embarrassing media storm after a UK newspaper unearthed pictures of him and personal details on his wife’s Facebook profile.
Heh. Idiot.
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(comment on this)
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| Sunday, June 14th, 2009
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6:29 pm - Oh Dear.
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Daniel Craig Popsicle
An ice cream company created the purple "licence to chill" lolly after asking more than 1,000 women which male celebrity like to see on the end of a stick. Del Monte Superfruit Smoothies said artists "worked tirelessly" to recreate a sculpture of 41-year-old Craig in the scene where he emerges from the sea in Casino Royale. "Daniel Craig topped our poll of Britain's coolest celebrities and thanks to our Del Monte lolly replica he is officially immortalised as super smooth and licensed to chill," said spokesman Matt O'Connor.
The Daniel Craig smoothie lollies are blueberry, pomegranate and cranberry flavoured and under 100 calories each.
I want one.
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(comment on this)
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